This column is not about the post-COVID-19 dreams; it’s not about politics or red, blue or purple states; it’s not about how naïve or radical “they” are. It’s a simple tale about partnership. A study was conducted a year ago by researcher Andrew Thomas of Swansea University in Wales whereby 2,700 college students from Western nations (Australia, Norway, United Kingdom) and Eastern countries (Singapore, Malaysia) were queried about what, exactly, they were looking for in a mate for life, otherwise known as pair-bonding.
It’s estimated that only 5% of mammals mate for life, as humankind is grouped in a small cluster with beavers, wolves, and even some bats, to name a few of our bonding brethren. You undoubtedly have your own list of life partner priorities, but according to psychology lecturer Thomas, the #1 priority for men and women, East and West, is kindness.
Seems reasonable… after all, 45+ years to be spent with someone (ideally) requires work, and having a shared appreciation for kindness can work wonders, especially during those tough times. After kindness, men favored physical attractiveness while women chose a man’s propensity to be able to provide financially. But kindness was easily the #1 requisite trait, far more important than other attributes mentioned in the study like creativity, religiosity, chastity, desire for children, and humor. Amazingly, one’s air guitar prowess did not make the “most wanted” list. Huh? While there are surely nuances based on cultural differences, at the end of the day we all want to hang out with someone who’s kind- friendly, generous, warm, decent, understanding, accommodating, compassionate, and present.
Researcher Thomas commented that “…it’s great that kindness is king and appears to be a human universal”. Ah, if only we saw more of that in the world in general today. The lack of every day kindness around us goes beyond looking for our eternal soulmate. But let’s not venture down that dark, partisan wormhole this week. We’ve all earned a column this week bereft of political partisanship, paranoia, patronizing provocation, and the petty polarization of America. And now, back to kindness…
Kindness assumes a sense of empathy, a trait lacking far too often in opinionated conversation these days. Forget whether or not it’s about mate-seeking, sincere kindness can make even bitter indignation or disappoint a bit easier to tolerate. Kindness- a simple concept with major repercussions. Try it on…
Think about it…