Chicken Shift – MidWeek April 9, 2025

Last week, I crowed about the death of various bills in play to control obnoxious and intrusive rooster ranting in suburban and urban areas throughout the state. After some annual optimism, the pending bills were stifled in an apparent display of chicken shift. But no more tongue-in-chick jokes this week, just some stark reality…

Children in Kalihi stage cockfights and chase down crowing critters in plain view, but we can’t seem to find the legislative fortitude to come up with any partial solution, other than to suggest calling one guy- one guy!- to help residents remove pesky, parading poultry.  

We’re not talking about farming communities or romantic, historic, rural settings where a rooster cackling might signify “good morning”. As proffered last week, some rooster morning moans occur at 3am. Or whenever. No thanks. The days of Arakawas’ crowing rooster ads signifying Waipahu’s historic Depot Road are long gone, but regularly rambunctious roosters remain, multiply, and cause more havoc in more places more often. In the meantime, the legislature, as it does annually, indicates that it may get back to this later… yet another project/problem kicked down the pot-holed road.

Chicken poop, rotting, gaffed chickens, kids corralling cocks for fighting, betting in non-rural, open areas, metal gaffs affixed to chicken’s legs for entertainment (and profit)- it’s now the norm, while unhappy neighbors try to make sense of this nonsense. We deal with feral cats, pigs, mongooses, and other local creatures of annoyance, but we chicken out on a fowl solution year after year.

Some talk about the cultural tradition of free-range chickens. Different place, different time. We’ve also heard for years about the accepted cultural relevance/tradition of neighborhood fireworks on New Year’s Eve. Not so much now, perhaps, after the deadly tragedy of Dec. 31, 2024.

Bills are often introduced to appease a constituent base. You know, say you’ll work on it to ensure that your home boys know you’re fighting for them, and then watch/let it die in committee. “Hey… I tried”. Don’t rattle the chicken coop; after all, many elections are decided by a few hundred votes. Avoid controversy whenever possible and don’t make “risky” decisions that might alienate 5% of the neighborhood vote. Law low; punt.

Nobody likes dogs barking at 3am, but calls to the police often force dog owners to deal with their pets. But free-roaming fowl? We can’t figure it out; repeatedly.

Think about it…

Something To Crow About – MidWeek April 2, 2025

They’re here, they’re there, they’re everywhere. Yes, roosters rule far and wide; from the edges of suburbia to the heart of our rural neighborhoods. Today, let’s take a gander (not the goose) at just what makes these feral, feathery squawkers tick. After all, we now hear from them almost every night… and day.

Roosters have internal circadian clocks, set at just under 24 hours, so they are quite consistent in their waking-you-up routines, unfortunately. Scientists measured their internal clocks running at 23.8-hour day, so just know that the incessant crowing is not a coincidence.

Roosters rant when ready, at any time. The sunrise theory is simply an old hen’s tale. If you’ve heard ‘em at 3am, you already know that. The Rolling Stones once sang, “time waits for no one”, and roosters don’t wait for the crack of dawn- nor the crack of breakfast eggs- to get their days going.

Roosters can mate up to 30 times a day… I kid you not. No wonder they’re crowing all the time. Again, someone studied this stuff. If you ever thought your job was a tad tedious… though I’m guess that this study must have been, er… stimulating? Suggestions for (humanely) shutting these birds up include leaving lights on (not very fashionable, and their clocks are internal, not sitting on a nearby night table) and turning on a radio (sounds like propaganda used in war zones to numb the enemy). 

I wonder what music best soothes a foul fowl- New Age? Ambient? Eagles? Byrds? One suggestion is to keep rousting roosters “happy”. Does that involve psychology therapy time? Are cock sessions deductible? And is “happy” really the ultimate goal, versus, say, a more fulfilling life?

While the legislature addressed and tabled this frustrating, feral, fowl phenomenon yet again, we ought to (begrudgingly) give roosters props for their loyalty to the flock (though noting that this includes a serious and serial lack of monogamy) and their willingness to protect and feed their broods. Roosters live for up to eight years, so kudos to the pesty, persistent peckers for possessing stamina, loyalty, perseverance, and a sense of purpose and commitment. Strutters indeed.

If you’re an early riser, can’t sleep, or are weary of incessant cock-a-doodle-doing in your midst, you can perhaps acknowledge this … and hope that our 2026 legislature finally provides a mitigation plan to resolve this never-ending poultry pontification.

Think about it…