Snake Ayes – MidWeek March 17, 2021

The recent Oʻahu sightings of a couple of iguanas and a three-foot-long ball python are not reassuring. It could indicate that some people locally are looking at fauna exotica as a new entertainment outlet or esoteric adventure as COVID-19’s impact hits month #12.

While snakes in the grass are not often seen locally, recent sightings are also a reminder and possibly a by-product of the endangered status of a well-known amphibian that has gone unseen throughout the pandemic and with quarantine rules- the lounge lizard, a term originally meant to mean a lothario who would hang around bars and try to get lucky, so to speak..

This scaly, human scavenger has been missing in action over the past year, as it’s been barred from bars, as has everyone. But if we stay cautious via vaccines and remaining COVID-19 protocols, we might see tears of joy from these nighttime cruisers as tiers of joy open up in the weeks ahead.

People may rebuff the sordid efforts of lounge lizards (who often morph into “lunge” lizards after a few pops), but less than a decade ago, before outlandish, online rumors became the established daily norm, a theory evolved that there were “lizard people” in our midst- right here in America. 

Yes, real live, lizard humanoids- intent on world domination. According to Public Policy Polling (in 2013), about 4%, or 12-million Americans, believed lizard people were real. Eight years later, lizard people haven’t completed their assumed takeover plot… yet.

Hopefully, you won’t bump into any reptiles at social gatherings, outdoor sports, restaurants, parks or beaches now that we’re OK to have groups of 10 gathering with safe distancing and masks still the proper protocol. Nothing says “I’m outta here” faster at a beach volleyball get-together than a coiled up ball python, a prying green iguana, or a scaly, lizard person.

Reptiles are cold-blooded characters, and we all know a few earthlings (unfortunately) who fit into that category… so, maybe there is something to that lizard people theory?!

About 20-years ago, non-native, Jackson’s chameleons were a hot pet item here. Thank goodness that one didn’t get out of hand, or out of cages. But I digress… Bottom line- we don’t need any invasive species brought here, bored as you might be, reptile Romeos. Leave the snakes and iguanas to your big-screen, binge-watching party with nine friends (tier 3) on the National Geographic Channel.

Think about it…