It’s mid-summer! So now for something completely different…
Tough job for Anglo-philologists as they explain spelling, pronunciation, and usage of our American version of the English language? English may not be the toughest language to conquer (some say that’s Mandarin Chinese), but it sure has its nuances, inconsistencies, and idiosyncrasies…
Why do we get in the car, yet we get on the bus, train, or plane. As comedian Geroge Carlin once opined on this topic, “YOU go ahead and get on the plane… I’m getting in the plane.”
If something is neither overwhelming nor underwhelming, why don’t we refer to it as simply “whelming”? Writers write, players play, actors act, and painters certainly paint, so how come barbers don’t barb, butchers don’t butch, and carpenters don’t carpent (or carpet)? And why do people yell “heads up” instead of “heads down”? If you put your head up, it’s often then too late to put your head down, as would be more appropriate.
Why do certain words that look like they should rhyme not rhyme? Tough, rough… OK. But what about though, cough, and through? If we have womb and tomb, then “bomb” should sound like “boom”; it absolutely leaves that impression (yuk, yuk)?
What about contranyms?! Like fast: move quickly or don’t move. Bolt: fasten down or hele on. Sanction: to penalize or to permit. Dust: add sugar… or wipe away sugar. Madness, I say!
And jumbo shrimp. Aren’t they just “shrimp”? We don’t refer to the small ones as mini-shrimp; that would be redundant, like pre-planning, new innovations, fiction novels, unexpected surprises, and advance warnings. Come on, a warning after the fact is of little use, especially if it comes after “heads up”! These morsels aren’t from morons; they’re oxymorons.
And what’s up with grow smaller, alone together, climb down, civil war, uncontested divorce, found missing, original copy, small crowd, negative growth, a working vacation, or those eerie living dead?
The brilliant Mr. Carlin once queried why is there no blue food?! Blueberries, blue corn, blue potatoes? Sorry, all purple. Cool Blue Gatorade doesn’t count. There’s a scientific explanation related to how plants handle sunlight and filter energy wavelengths, but wrapping one’s brain around this concept might actually give you the blues.
Pondering or feeling perplexed persistently about this stuff might keep you up at night, or bore you to sleep, but that’s only if you even choose to think about it…