MidWeek Column

As Monty Python’s John Cleese often said- “…and now for something completely different”. Online accommodations booking site, trivago, recently polled 2,000 adults in the U.S. and found that 38% of Americans would give up sex for a year if they could travel right now. I kid you not.

Now that might sound astonishing and prove just how truly awful this pandemic has been in one more way, but what if this 38% group isn’t having sex anyway these days? They really wouldn’t be “suffering” then, would they? And what if these eager-to-travel abstainers would also give up sex for a new Pez dispenser or a nice pair of slippers?

A full 20% of those surveyed said they’d dump their partner for a chance to go road-tripping right now.  Apparently, for some, that’s what quarantine and stasis do to one’s priorities. 80% of all respondents consider travel to be a vital part of a quality life. Of course, after being cooped up for so long, even a trip to get your wisdom teeth pulled might feel like a big day out.

But here’s part two… The U.S. Department of Transportation recently announced that, even with limited travel, 2020 represented a new high bar for complaints against airlines and travel agencies. 90% of the grievances were about refunds (and lack thereof), as obviously there were multiple pitfalls when traveling last year. 

If you’re willing to forego sex for a year to travel, you better be in a good mood when travel plans get screwed up and you can’t get a refund. And it’s obvious that for some vacationers who just gotta go, a delayed or denied refund is worth the risk when it comes to traveling during a pandemic. How big is travel? Well, a quarter of Americans say they’d give up all of their savings to hit the road right now and 48% would give up their job to travel! But you might not wanna come back- because now you’re broke… Abstinence and sacrifice- it all makes sense after being forced to watch “Bridgerton” and “The Crown” repeatedly (just kidding…).

Plenty of Americans say no sex, no savings, no partner and no job beats yet another month or three of homebound isolation. Travel is part of the good life, they say, but with no sex, job, savings, or partner after the sojourn ends, you’d better have some great memories to live on.

Think about it…

Sometimes, it’s OK to talk to yourself; even healthy. First of all, you’ll hopefully find a receptive audience. Secondly, such a chat can help you figure things out, pulling resources from the vast recesses of your own mind. Paul Simon wrote a landmark song that became a 1966 #1 hit, “The Sound of Silence”. “Hello darkness, my old friend / I’ve come to talk with you again” is how it begins. Simple, powerful, profound. 

As we head (hopefully) around the final turn of this pandemic era over the next six months, perhaps we should all take some time, alone, to quietly assess where we are, what we’re doing, and how we’re feeling. Perhaps then we will better be able to deal with everything else that comes about as hopefully “it’ll be alright, when the morning comes” (written by Daryl Hall of Hall & Oates and popularized locally by Kapalana).

Simon sang in “The Sound of Silence” about “People talking without speaking / People hearing without listening”. And boy, does that sound like what we’ve witnessed lately, what we’ve become and where we are in far too many areas. While things seem a bit calmer, more congenial, and more civil locally, one can still feel rumblings about “what’s next” and “where do we go from here”?

The time has come for more thinking before speaking, more empathy, listening, creativity, and intelligence as we plan our collective futures. The time has come for common good to take precedence over any sort of “what’s in it for me” syndrome. We can address a number of issues and perhaps press the “reset” button, but we must not let this opportunity slip by without deep analysis, self-analysis, and productive activity on festering items of concern here- about our futures, what aloha really means, housing realities, and ensuring that our keiki have the means to provide for their keiki without moving away. No hollow pontifications or big body. Silence, listening, action.

It won’t be easy or quick, as we also need to jump start our economy, and there are a laundry list of items that have been talked about for years with minimal, tangible results as  things have been OK here for years… for some people. Through the sound of silence, hopefully quality listening occurs, better ideas emerge, compassion and rational reasoning reverberate, and we come out of this thing wiser and willing.

Think about it…

It’s far too early to celebrate, but the light at the end of the tunnel continues to come into clearer focus. More people are getting vaccinated (if we could just get more doses sent here!) and Pearlridge Center announced that 14 new stores or kiosks are opening there.

One positive touchstone of 2020 will be undoubtedly be the year’s music- perhaps songs like these, whose simple titles might seem to mimic the bizarre year and make for a fun playlist (in 10-years). Songs like:

“Things You Can’t Control” (SOJA + Trevor Young)- the title just about says it all for the frustrations of 2020!

“Circles” (Post Malone)- OK, go out and play. No wait, come back inside. Hang out with family only. Actually… hang out with no one! As Malone said: “…we’re running in circles”, getting exhausted; but basically, many went nowhere in 2020.

“Road Trip” (Sons of Zion)- surely something we couldn’t do in 2020, especially if that road trip included actually getting out of our cars!

“Rumor” (Maoli)- rumors, alternative facts, fake news, social media, dubious posts, paranoia, a huge crevice in our political landscape; it all became the reality (or lack thereof) of 2020.

“Without You” (Rebel Souljahz)- pretty much how we spent most days in 2020, without someone(s). We might’ve spent a lot of time with ourselves; if so, hopefully we learned something of value as the new days dawn.

“Speechless” and “When The Rain Falls” (Kolohe Kai)- you couldn’t make up some of what happened in 2020, when “hard-to-believe” became the norm, often leaving us speechless, and the pandemic rain kept falling. Luckily, real rain washes things away, and we move on.

“10,000 Hours” (Dan + Shay & Justin Bieber)- this is what many weekdays felt like in 2020. Idle time, expanded work days, no work, too little human connection, Zoom after Zoom, raising kids, raising hell, where every long day invariably felt like June 35^th or August 47^th.

“Memories” (Maroon 5)- when all was said and done way back in 2020, that’s (hopefully) all we remember when we glance back- memories, and none too painful. For long haulers, COVID-19 may not end up to be just be a blip on life’s colorful radar screen. But many people’s 2020 memories will include earworms like the songs above, plus the good, helpful, caring, and empathetic humanity they experienced way back in 2020.

Think about it…

Scammers, sleazebags, sociopaths, low-life snakes, miscreants, degenerates, criminals… call them what you like, but this pandemic has brought all kinds of unsavory characters into focus- locally and nationally. People preying on other people or vital systems; people trying to wring money out of the unsuspecting at a time when many are scared, hurting, vulnerable, and frustrated. And the reprobates rarely get caught.

It’s happening nowadays when more people are more susceptible. These vermin try to beat you and the system. They try to get people to provide personal information over the phone. They try to get undeserved unemployment pay. They try to ply elderly or frail people into actually paying for coronavirus vaccines. They steal information from people on social media (yes, good old social media) who show off their new COVID-19 vaccination cards, which might contain birthdate and/or insurance ID information. Counterfeit cards can then be produced, sold, and used for air travel when vaccination proof might soon be required.

Scamming is not new. Societal problems cause deviant manipulators to look for new ways to take advantage of people and systems. At my workplace, we received an unemployment claim in the name of a former Hawai`i Congressional representative. Yes, we caught it in time.

Unemployment fraud has increased here since people have lost jobs and federal funds became more readily available. Thieves steal names and personal information. And investment fraud has been around a long time.

Anybody calling you up and asking for computer information, passwords, your mother’s maiden name- any kind of security information- quickly end the conversation. Hang up. There have been online examples where people’s information, once provided, is then used by others to get food. And then there’s the old “Hey, you’ve just won a sweepstakes” scam- where you’re simply asked to pay a fee and “we’ll send you the money!”

The elderly are being targeted through email addresses nowadays vs. the old method of dubious phone calls. People are being asked to buy gift or credit cards in stores, and then asked to provide the card numbers to the caller for “activation”. Basically, if it sounds too good to be true- it IS! If you’re asked for any personal information that you’re not comfortable giving out over the phone- don’t give. When in doubt, check it out. Stay wary and be smart. By the way, the COVID-109 vaccine, when it’s your turn, it’s free.

Think about it…

As more vaccinations reach more people and we really can see a light at the end of this prolonged, COVID-19 tunnel, minds might start to wander in an optimistic direction. For it is fun and hopeful to think about a few things we might do as concerns and restrictions are invariably lifted- for good! That is, only after we feed the family, pay the rent, check our mental/physical state, and secure that our jobs are in place. 

Travel? Of late, that concept has mostly meant traveling between home, school, work, and the supermarket. How nice it will be to once again feel a sense of freedom, even if it means just going to more places locally, something that we all took (understandably) for granted for pretty much our entire lives. We won’t have to plan excursions to avoid the human race (as much) any more, though we should remain COVID cautious when restrictions are lifted. Planes, trains, ships, Ubers- what a wonderful world it will be.

Attending events? While it’s too soon to say when, the time is coming when we will go to events again- movies, small concerts, school plays, and who-knows-what-else by late-2021(?). It will surely be better than yet another Zoom concert or acoustic showcase from a well-known artist’s living room that’s been our norm for the past 11-months. We won’t be getting together in huge groups any time soon, but attending small-ish events with anonymous people will be a diversionary step up from watching celebrities sing “Imagine” online. Dining sans paranoia will feel different, and great.

Business meetings? Yes, virtual meetings have kept people quite busy (or buzz-y, as a numbing effect takes control by 3pm daily), but simply sitting in a conference room or in someone’s office and feeling comfortable will be a welcome sign that things are getting back to normal.

Here’s one wish to focus on as our lives transform back to an era where we experience relative freedom of movement and choice. Let’s all not forget what got us here in the first place and keep in mind that while a vaccine is a shot in the arm, it is not the definitive COVID killer. Our minds can wander into this upcoming future, but let’s remain cognizant of the pitfalls of letting our guard (and our masks) down.

Think about it…

So what happens when people are quarantined, confined, restricted and conflicted for almost a year? Well strange terms develop as weirdness rules. Try a few of these on for size:

“Make America Grate Again”: this is what happens when people cannot (or should not) visit friends, relatives, neighbors, co-workers, and when nerves are frayed and the pandemic rules shift over time. Everyone is angst-filled and frustrated. Yes, the pandemic continues to be grating for everyone.

“Damn-demic”: this is about the nicest thing you can call the resilient novel coronavirus after almost 12-months.

“As Tiers Go By” or “The Tracks of My Tiers”: we’ve seen it all- rules change, things seems to be getting better, we’re inching closer to allowing for more freedom, and then WHAM! Alas, restrictive tiers and redundant tears return.

“Community spread”: no, this is not tutu’s lilikoi jam sold at the swap meet. It’s what happens when people either live or gather too close together in one area, thus helping to spread the virus. Gathering like this with friends and family used to be called “living”.

“Flattening the Curve”: a kind term describing people’s efforts to lose the real COVID-19… those 19 pounds we’ve all gained sitting around over the past 11-months.

“Social Distancing” and “Virtual Meetings”: Two terms poorly explained. We’re not supposed to social distance, we’re actually supposed to physical distance from one another! And that seventh Zoom meeting I had today? That wasn’t a virtual meeting, I was there; it was all too real, with real people attending (and staring into space), and no virtual anime, manga, VR headsets, or videogame characters allowed.

“Self-Monitoring”: originally meant for us to check ourselves for COVID-19 symptoms, it has now taken on more nuanced implications, as we should constantly take stock of our (and others) mental and physical health as this nagging nightmare continues.

“Zoom-ology”: the scientific study of human behavior observable only by watching humans staring at their 10^th Zoom call of the day. Otherwise known as “zombie-ism”.

“Facts-ine”: what non-believers need to spend more time studying to feel comfortable that yes, a COVID-19 vaccine is a scientifically-proven ally in this microscopic war.

“Venti-later”: this is what we call a person who lets us know (via “venting”) that they’re fed up with COVID-19 after 11-months. Kind of like I’ve just done with this column, as the on-going pandemic wavers and yet persists.

Think about it…

The heaviness of the times we live in can feel all-consuming. Tier 2, tier 3, keep your distance, wear a mask, wash your hands… Disparate beliefs causing surreal responses. Lack of civility, sanity, and empathy. My way or the highway. Love thy fellow man…. unless he’s too stupid and disagrees with me. Let’s try some down time with no CNN or FOX News, no insincere pontificators or social media trolls, no COVID counts for a while. 

What we need are more diversions, simple things that get our heads out of the crisis du jour and into a different space, even for a short while. Even in heavy times, we should seek enjoyment and pleasure as essential and therapeutic. 

Things need to be taken seriously, but we really mustn’t take ourselves too seriously. Diversions can provide moments of escapism, however brief. We’ve heard plenty about how the pandemic and the political realities seem absurd, even surrealistic. So let’s dive into chosen escapism more often, diversionary dips into the ocean. Invigorating, sobering, cleansing. 

Playfulness is not just for kids. We all need more levity and non-chemically induced releases. Watch an old sitcom; create a crazy recipe. “Airplane” or “Home Alone” viewing might give you a 90-minute high. Just get away from the daily grind, for eventually you will return, perhaps a bit more conscious of that ancient adage- “this, too, shall pass”. You might not see the clear light at the end of this tunnel, but diversions may help keep you from crashing into the tunnel’s walls along the way. 

We are a resilient lot, who live in, arguably, the nicest place imaginable with the nicest people around to ride out this pandemic, but the oppressive reality gets to everyone in some way at some point. So play music, eat shave ice, play Twister, visit somewhere you’ve not been in years (but, um, stay in your car).

Diversion. It might help build your creativity and even boost your mood, says psychology professor René Proyer at Germany’s Martin Luther University. No, I don’t know him, but his name and school sounded cool. Even writing down playful thoughts like that can help. Playfulness might allow you to reframe things; and you choose how and what to play. You’re in control. Find diversions and perhaps you’ll find more happiness. It’s worked for eons on kids, and it works for adults.

Think about it…

So many things canceled, rearranged, or postponed due to this omnipresent pandemic. And while we’ve been forced to at least tolerate incessant openings, closings and the inability to see friends and loved ones, something else dawned on me which has become magnified over the last 10-months.

Many of us never really got to say goodbye to friends now gone. Sure, we’ve sent condolence notes to family members, made contributions, written sincere blurbs for memory books, but we never really got to say goodbye and feel that sense of closure. We never got to hug a family member and say how much their loved one meant to us, how much we enjoyed his or her friendship, how sorry we are for their loss.

We never got to reminisce (Zoom won’t work in these circumstances), laugh, cry, share treasured anecdotes with family and friends, never got to break bread and just be there for people during their grieving times. I empathize with those who’ve lost loved ones due to COVID-19; many never got to say goodbye as medical facilities simply can’t let family members come into facilities to pay final respects.

Someday, there might be a nice tribute ceremony, a celebration of life, and that will surely help to ease the pain; but it will feel a bit too long in coming. Maybe time having passed will allow these events to be a bit less emotional, but being able to show and feel emotion is essential to humans, and that’s yet one more item this novel coronavirus has stolen from us.

So, I’m sorry Jack, Gregg, Paul, Jerry, and others who’ve left us far too soon. Sorry I couldn’t laugh with you or talk story about the fun we had along the way. Sorry I couldn’t tell your families, in person, just how nice it was having you as a buddy. I hope to do that later, perhaps by the end of 2021. In the meantime, listening to the song “Gone Too Soon” by Creed’s Scott Stapp sometimes helps me to put it into perspective.

I’m glad your loved ones got to hear or read notes from so many who sincerely cared. But I miss not having had the chance to be there near the end, or soon after you were gone, to participate in the group healing process in person. So, I’ll smile at memories, and wait.

Think about it…

We see the daily COVID-19 numbers and become numb. Many Americans took vacations or simply ventured out in recent weeks, but COVID-19 took no days off. Please listen to the pleas of healthcare workers in this war: wear a mask correctly, stay socially distant, avoid crowds, and frequently wash your hands. Sound familiar?

It’s too bad that some won’t agree that this is the best way to protect ourselves and others, but the reality is especially stunning for those on the medical front lines as copious COVID caseloads continue.  Well over 1,000 healthcare workers nationally have died from the novel coronavirus. The continued lack of PPE equipment, the long hours, the daily trauma of dealing with seemingly OK patients who quickly end up intubated, well… it’s asking a lot of these caregivers after 10-months. Frustration levels among the caregivers has rightfully grown. We must keep taking basic precautions, fatigued as we may be of rigid rules. 

On average, about 65 firefighters, 158 law enforcement officers, and 308 active-duty American military personnel die annually during active duty. In 2020 alone, at least twice as many healthcare workers perished due to COVID-19 than died in the other three professions combined. Caregivers died doing jobs where they knew there’d be risk… but not this- not all day every day- with little respite over 10-months, including post-work repercussions every single day.

Many medical personnel end their workdays stressed, knowing they can’t or won’t go home- unwilling to risk possibly infecting family members or roommates. Some don’t shower normally, eat with loved ones, or sleep in their own beds- all due to concerns after they’ve left the workplace, which makes their plight unique compared to others who place themselves in harm’s way yet maintain some lifestyle normalcy. 

Healthcare workers have seen reduced work hours as medical facilities aren’t seeing normal amounts of non-COVID-related, on-site business. Elective surgeries are put off, revenue is down, and workers lose hours. Ironically, those saving lives are being occasionally ostracized for wearing scrubs (in stores), remain isolated (from loved ones) and see reduced pay (with fewer work hours).

Nip this thing- stay safe, be wary, and tighten your bubble. Don’t let 10-months of responsible effort go to waste for a superfluous gathering or meeting now. The best gift we can provide to overworked, miracle medical workers is to not meet them while they’re on the job in 2021.

Think about it…